Monday, October 05, 2009

His Lips Brushed Mine and My Heart Was Healed

I attended a wedding this weekend as a guest. It was strange to be sitting with family and friends, watching the event unfold without my camera. I have lost count of the number of weddings I have photographed. They far outweigh the number where I have been a guest or part of the wedding party. I could go back and look. I have programs from them all. But that isn’t the point. The point is what happens to my heart.

When I photograph a wedding, I become part of their story. I meet them months before the big day. I often have the privilege of photographing their engaged hearts. I see their desires for life together. By the time the wedding day has arrived, I have learned so much about them and their families, I feel like I have known them forever. I share their emotions for the day… love, laughter, fear, joy, anticipation, tears… I am so intimate with a bride and groom that I know their hearts. I ache with them as they remember those who couldn’t be with them for their perfect day. I celebrate the union of two families. We dance. I know from across the room if something needs to be different. I know when she needs a break from the family. I know how many pictures I have left to take before he bags it. I am part of the chaos leading up to the guests arriving. I become part of their family, if only for a day. Through my lens I capture the first day of their life together as husband and wife. I have a view from the window to their souls.

After countless hours, I say my goodbyes. Hugs are exchanged. I drive home remembering the day. My heart aches for new love. Not ‘a’ new love, but the new love that I once had with my husband. It happens every time. With each exchange of vows and rings, my heart longs to be known. To be cherished. To be noticed. To be ached over. To be fought for. I want to be seen. When I arrive home, I want to share the photos with Aaron. It is two-fold. Yes, I want him to see my work, but I also want him to see what we have misplaced. I want to be looked at that way again. I want to build a fire in our souls that never dies. I want him to fall in love with me… again.

It is different when I am a guest. I feel rushed. I hurry to my seat. Look around to see who all I know. Exchange courteous greetings. (Ok – I must admit, I wonder if the photographer has taken care of this couple the way I would have – there are some pangs of jealousy - so that is a bit distracting) I watch the bride make her entrance. The groom is in awe. His eyes never leave her. Even when the pastor is speaking or praying – he is enamored with her, drunk with her beauty. Tears fall from my eyes for what they have and what seems to elude me.

The strangest part however, was sitting there with Aaron. Wedding after wedding I have longed for him to be there with me. Now he finally is and I am nervous. Will he see what I see? Will he hear God speak to him the way I hear Him speak to my heart? Will God reveal to my husband my desires? My courage builds. I lean over and whisper to Aaron, “This makes me sad”. A question lingers in his expression. Later, they dance. I answer the question that I hope hangs in Aaron’s heart. “I want you to look at me the way he looks at her.” We enjoy dinner and the music starts.

He asks me to dance, takes my hand and we move to the dance floor. I feel his hand on the small of my back. His lips brush mine and stay for moment. My heart races, my belly is in knots. I feel drunk, yet I haven’t a drink. We laugh and kiss some more. I haven’t felt this happy in… I can’t remember when. I am in love. There is a sparkle in his eyes. He sees me. He loves me. I thank God for this man, for showing us each other again.

We fall into bed exhausted from the emotions of the evening. We kiss again, more passionately than before. We are thankful for the reminder. We are one. We will be for the rest of our days. I know that in my heart.

2 Comments:

At January 13, 2010 12:45 PM , Blogger Leslie said...

Barb, this was a beautiful post.

There is something so powerful that happens at weddings. Thanks for sharing your heart on here! You're a great writer!

 
At October 11, 2015 4:00 PM , Blogger sherry said...

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